PREDATORS: Early Thoughts

Well, the glowing trail of green alien blood is leading us ever closer to PREDATORS http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1424381/ , so I feel that it's about time to cover myself in mud, set some booby traps and compile a meaty list of YAYs and NAYs regarding the newest installment of Predator versus prey.
Now, I am a HARDCORE fan of PREDATOR. I love it to death. I watched it yet again last night while eating cupcakes. (Hey, don't judge. I have life drama and it centred me. True story.)
The title of my blog should make that fact obvious enough. The first film is just pure, solid gold viewing and the sequel is a more than worthy follow-up. Drastic changes were made; yes, but the flavour was still there and it can confidently stand on its own.
The less said about anything after that, the better. I hate the AvP films, and I hope that PREDATORS is nothing like those abominations.

Stick around...

GOOD:
http://www.traileraddict.com/trailer/predators/international-trailer
Solid trailer. I'm loving the multiple tri-targets on Brody. Shivers, y'all.

- Rodriguez. Ahhhh, Robert Rodriguez. Love the man and he's one of my heroes. I have been gagging for a new Predator for film for YEARS and many moons ago; when I heard that Rodriguez had kicked around a Predator script that was set in olden times on a Spanish galleon and so forth, I nearly cried with happiness. But that's actually the ONLY thing I liked about the script. (I wanted it to be ALL in that setting.) So now we get this film which feels similar to that original script...and while that makes me apprehensive, I'm trying to stay positive because at least Rodriguez is still involved and I have faith.
I just hope that there are not many things from the original screenplay. Cause there was some BAD stuff in there, yo. Seriously cheesy crap, such as hover-bikes and a puerile tone, in general.
Let us all pray that time and rewrites have washed them away and even though he's not writing, he's still producing and will have fingers within the pie, so to speak.
That pie better be baked DAMN well.

- Topher Grace is in this. Hell yes. Some may knock the guy, but I believe that this is VERY inspired casting and writing. A nice and pleasant-looking young doctor amongst an elite group of perfect warriors/killers? This has awesome potential. Especially if you do some hunting online about his character. I'm not going to spoil anything but I cannot wait. Plus, that recently revealed “I can be invisible too.” line, pretty much got me giggling with excitement.

- I'm really looking forward to the team dynamic that these characters are going to have. Teamwork was portrayed SO well in PREDATOR amongst an efficient group of soldiers and it's going to be a nice change of pace to flip that vibe and show use a group of individuals who, while they have a few things in common; have SOOO many differences. Bring on the conflict.

- Apparently the Yakuza character has a sword fight against a Predator. Yeah. I could really just have listed this multiple times in the GOOD column. Awesome.

- Adrien Brody versus some Predators. Yes please. I love Brody.
However, some mooks have been bitching about his physique. C'mon, he looks about the same build, probably bigger, than Ramirez and Hawkins in PREDATOR and if that was good enough to be on Dutch's team, then shut your hole.

- I'm loving that the studio is moving this stand-alone franchise forward instead of deciding to cripple such an amazing property with more half-assed, cash-in AvP flicks.
Hopefully, if this does well and they realize that people just want GOOD Predator viewing, I'll finally get the chance to write and sell one of my dream projects; a PREDATOR prequel about Jim Hopper's doomed mission. :D
Sound awesome? Yeah, it would be, yo.
That film in my head keeps me awake nights, people.

- Sniper chick. Yes please. This could get very tasty. Should be a fresh situation too, because I cannot recall ever seeing how a Predator fares against a sniper.
Although I have always thought it strange that Dutch's crew didn't include a long-range man. Granted - they're a rescue team, not assassins - but still, that kind of distance-coverage would be useful, no?

- This film plays The Trejo Card. (Don't credit me for that term. I heard it online years ago and I love it so I'm trying to spread the goodness)
Case closed.
I even would've accepted this film if they called it TREJO vs PREDATOR. But, I guess that would be unfair.
For the Predators.
The Predators would be all, “Click-click-clickity-click” (Translation: “That Mexican is scary.”), then you'd just have a brutal 90 minute action sequence where Trejo butchers the Predators to the brink of extinction.
Using ONLY HIS MOUSTACHE.
Seriously though, y'all; this and MACHETE http://www.traileraddict.com/trailer/machete/cinco-de-mayo-trailer in the same year? It's a good time to be a Danny Trejo enthusiast.

BAD:
- What the hell is with Fat Morpheus? I'm a Lawrence Fishburne fan, but holy shit. What, has he been hunting Predators and then EATING them?
He just looks unhealthy, yo.
Download a jogging program, man.

- No Alan Silvestri. Unacceptable. This is a pretty big thorn in my side, y'all. Silvestri's PREDATOR score is one of my all time favourites.

- “Fear Is Reborn”? What's that nonsense? Crap tagline and lazy poster. Pick up your game, people.

- Mega uber-long wristblades. Sigh. Okay, maybe they're in there so that you can have the sword fight scene, but they still look goofy and awkward. No sale.

- Predator hounds. I'll say it again, Predator...hounds. Surely I'm not the only one who thinks that sounds cheesy and tacked-on. Yes, I understand that many hunters use hunting dogs...but these are freakin' Predators. It takes away some of their potency and threat level if you show that they choose to use these 'assistants'.
I've always been built like this, though. As a writer, I've always felt that some characters just work best with a shroud of mystery. One of the reasons Predators are so badass is because the 2 films hardly tell us anything about them. Keep it that way. I don't want to meet their puppies, their wife or find out what kind of car they drive. They're awesome alien hunters who work like lone wolves or in a pack. That's all I wanna know.

- Nimrod Antal as director? Hmmmm, I don't know. Maybe some damn fool accused him of being the best.
If so, then I look forward to seeing him prove himself. Once again, this is resting all upon my faith within Rodriguez. Nimrod must have been given the wheel for some reason, so I'll hold my tongue. Problem is, I haven't seen any evidence of that 'reason' in his previous work.

- No Predators have looked as cool as the ones in the first and second. I'm not sure what they're doing wrong in the design stages, but the first 2 looked amazing...and every time I've seen them after that, it has looked like they have giant bobble-heads and they should be sitting on your dashboard. Hrmm.

- No Arnie cameo, as far as I know.
Boo and hiss. He made time for THE EXPENDABLES http://www.traileraddict.com/trailer/the-expendables/trailer-b , so where's the love for Dutch, huh?
Should've promised him more cigars.
Or maybe another lighter.
If it was me; I would've just cooked up a story and dropped him into the set like a meat grinder.
Carl Weathers would've given his right arm for a cameo.
After all, he has 3 of them.
Zing.

- Humans again? Okay. But JUST humans again? Stretching it a bit aren't we? I refuse to believe that, in the ENTIRE GALAXY, humans are the best prey. Surely there's some other aliens out there who are just as worthy, if not better, prey. Perhaps they'll address this, perhaps not.
I just know that this was (kind of) touched upon in the original Rodriguez script and I'd definitely give it some attention if I ever worked on the franchise.
Because, fair enough; I can buy that humans may be a very formidable opponent, but there's gotta be some other badass alien out there who could also whip some ass and give the Predators some solid challenge.
Let's get a taste of that, yeah?



Perhaps they could discover a planet inhabited entirely by Danny Trejos?
See, that's just amazing even in theory.
I knew Rodriguez should've made PLANET TREJO instead of PLANET TERROR.

STREET FIGHTER: Beginnings End

Okay.
I'm impressed.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8K-F4eCDyUU

Sure, the Ken wig is a bit distracting...but there is so much RIGHT about this film, that it easily overpowers one tiny cosmetic wrong.
The potential within this film and the accuracy is worthy of nothing but the highest praise.
I salute those involved and I wish that Hollywood would watch this and take notes.
These guys managed to get closer to an accurate Street Fighter vibe than Hollywood has managed to do with 2 feature films and massive budgets.
Pathetic.

Once again, I'm impressed.
Somebody PLEASE notice this work.

THE ABSENCE AND THE OSCARS

Greetings to you all...if there are any of you left standing...or reading, as would more accurately be the case perhaps.
First things first; please forgive my absence and unacceptable lack of updates.
You hunger for film-flavoured chunks of tasty blog posts like ravenous lizard-man slaves chained to the throne of some sadistic, scantily-clad nymphomaniacal queen sorceress...and I have not delivered.
Shame on me.
I have thrown no meaty slabs of prose before you so that you may feast upon my words and grow plump with cinema knowledge and insight.

This will not do.
Allow me to set things right.
Sink your fangs into this and suck deeply until you black out and fall unconscious upon a mountain of soft, velvety pillows surrounded by numerous eager slave-girls with soft, velvety...well, y'know...
Enjoy...

MY ABSENCE:

I moved.
Just like Skeletor who curses at He-Man and his cohorts daily because he covets Castle Greyskull, I too had problems regarding real-estate. I needed my own Castle Greyskull, if you will.
Hell, I would've even settled for a Snake Mountain.
Anyway, after searching high, low, high again and then giving low a second look, I finally found my new home with the help of my clan.
And yes, just like my hero, Skeletor; on my first evening within my new stronghold, I stood at the fortified gates (read: screen-door) and cackled insanely while declaring to all within earshot that I would now rule this dominion with a mighty fist.
A dog barking was the only response.
But trust me...that puppy sounded fucking scared, y'all.

After the move I was then forced to wait for about a month while my new Internet connection was being connected. That's all I shall say upon that matter, for the subject caused me considerable grief and set me back quite a few steps on the path towards sound mental health.
I will, however, take a moment to thank my brother kinsman who assisted me during this gruelling trial.
Some may say I'm overreacting, but c'mon. One can only go for so long without porn and various other websites...which, in turn, provide links to yet more porn.
Think of our ancestors. They had to hunt for food with clubs and spears, fight off wild animals, live in caves, tumble with dames that didn't wax...but at least THEY still had sweet ADSL hookups and swift, ready access to titty-sites.

I mean, I'm not a savage.
That month offline was brutal.

THE OSCARS:
Ugh. What a joke. Okay, I'm not even going to TRY to put on a T-shirt that says that 'I'm shocked', but by the gods, was it a crap affair.
In regard to actual cinema/movie/film-industry value, it has been absolute nonsense and a mere carnival of lies and general crap for years now (The 'magic' died for me the year Julia Roberts beat Ellen Burstyn), but there was always the zing and Hollywood-style flair and excitement of seeing your favourite stars and artists gathering together under one roof to take part in an impressive event that, regardless of inaccuracies, still possessed an overall scent of that wonderful 'movie magic'.

Well, this year the magic wasn't just absent; it felt like it had never even been there.
The entire evening felt tacky, forced and actually, quite low budget. Unacceptable.
But hey, at least I had the awards to look forward to, right?
WRONG! *John Matrix's gunshot*
What a perfect arrangement of absolute rubbish. Let's pick through it like vagrants, shall we?

GOOD:

Best Supporting Actor = Christoph Waltz
This was one of the few things that made me happy. His performance in INGLOURIOUS BASTERDS http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0361748/ was beyond impressive. High praise to the man and congrats.

BAD:

Original Screenplay = THE HURT LOCKER http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0887912/
Sigh. I loved THE HURT LOCKER...but BASTERDS was a better screenplay. Simple as that. More effort and creativity went into one Act of Tarantino's script than within LOCKER'S entire page-count.

Best Picture = THE HURT LOCKER
Best Director = Kathryn Bigelow
HURT LOCKER, fair enough...but Cameron deserved Best Director y'all. No question.
As I said before, THE HURT LOCKER was an excellent film...but c'mon, there are plenty of war films just as good, if not better. Will I purchase THE HURT LOCKER when it's on disc? Of course. Will it replace FULL METAL JACKET http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0093058/ as my favourite war movie? Sir, hell no, sir.
Now AVATAR http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0499549/ and Cameron are a whole different story. They were robbed, basically. Yes, Kathryn Bigelow probably did an amazing job directing again (as she's been doing for years) but at the end of the day, she served up just another war film. A superb war film; but STILL just another war film.
Cameron, on the other hand, reinvented the god-damned wheel. Nay, scratch that. Cameron showed up and said, “That wheel sucks. Remove it. Now I'm going to build my own device to replace said wheel and as a result, this vehicle will now run smoother and more efficiently than any vehicles that have preceded it. ...Oh, and I'm going to overhaul the engine, spruce up the paint job and also throw in enough cup-holders to make you say, 'Holy shit. Look at all the cup-holders.'”
Long story short; the guy had his fingers in MANY pies. ...Which he also baked.
He went FAR beyond the call of duty, so to speak; achieving more in one film than most directors achieve in their entire careers.
Throw the guy some kudos, huh? A gold statue perhaps?
Cameron led an ENTIRE army into battle using new techniques and came out not only victorious but so inspiring that other directors now wish to follow in his footsteps and utilise these fresh innovations that he has pioneered.
“Best Director” would have been an understatement, had he won.
But hey; maybe that's just my opinion.

After all, Kathryn Bigelow did give us a quality film...and oh yeah, I think she's also a woman, apparently. The media kept mentioning that, so it must be important. I dunno.
Gotta keep it all fair, right Academy?

I guess I'll continue to sit all alone and naively think that the Oscars are based on actual merit, not gender, politics or whatever other bullshit is in the Top 10 that year.

(Let it be known right here and now that I'm a BIG fan of Kathryn Bigelow; NEAR DARK http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0093605/ and POINT BREAK http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0102685/ are badass. It is not her fault that this garbage surrounded her Oscar experience. High praise to her, regardless.)

Original Score = UP http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1049413/
UP beat SHERLOCK HOLMES? http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0988045/ I do not think so. Utter nonsense. Hans Zimmer's HOLMES score was mind-blowing. As soon as the film finished, I bought the score as soon as possible.
I don't even remember a single note of the music in UP...which surprised me considering it was done by Michael Giacchino, who composes the amazing music on LOST. http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0411008/
Strange.

Best Animated Film = UP
UP beat CORALINE? http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0327597/ Eat shit. I'm getting angry now.
I enjoyed UP and was like, “Wow, what pretty colours!” and I loved the opening and so forth, but it's a very noticeable step backward after the utter brilliance of WALL-E http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0910970/ , which was pure genius. UP felt like it was part of the dark, pre-Pixar days when every animated film needed a crap song sung by a 'cute' animal sidekick voiced by a comedic minority.
Such a song thankfully never came, but that still didn't make me love the film like 99% of the planet apparently does. I didn't hate the film, it just didn't even come CLOSE to how much WALL-E (and previous Pixar films) moved me.
Now, CORALINE was the best animated film and one of the best films I've ever seen. Some may love stop-mo animation and some may not, but I find the animation method to be completely irrelevant when the story and performances are this good. I was INSIDE this film. It gripped me like the skeletal fingers of an evil old-woman who kidnaps children and sews buttons on their eyes.
Utter brilliance.

I'll wrap up now with some quick points in regard to the BAFFLING omissions from the nominations:

- No Sam Rockwell nomination for MOON? http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1182345/ I just do not understand. My mind works on a system of logic and this just does not process properly. Go and watch his performance in MOON and TRY to even begin to tell me that he doesn't deserve a nomination, at the very least. (You won't get far. I'll walk away as soon as I smell your anti-Rockwell musk. It's a skill. Like rats sensing disease in potential mates.)

- No Sharlto Copley nomination for DISTRICT 9? http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1136608/ Firstly, I must say that I think D9 is flat-out bulletproof. Loved every frame. It is just a shame that it was going up against the blue juggernaut that is AVATAR. On any other day, D9 deserved to win EVERYTHING it's nominated for, and then some. That being said; Sharlto Copley's completely improvised performance that knocked it completely out of the park, should have taken home some gold.

- No Zoe Saldana nomination for AVATAR? Pathetic. Open your eyes, Academy. It's still a legitimate performance, you rubes. They just paint over it. Wake up and realise that motion-capture performances are valid acting gigs because, HELLO!? They CAPTURE the MOTION/PERFORMANCE! Can't capture anything if there's no actor there performing, yo.
A foolish oversight, amongst many, that will hopefully be remedied in the future.

Oh and yes, I do realise that this post is a bit late, but I've been busy and I wrote most of this stuff while I was still offline.
Savvy?

SHERLOCK HOLMES (2009)

I first witnessed the work of Guy Ritchie many years ago.

The time; circa Schoolies Week: 1998 and my buddies and I wandered in off the streets to catch a snappy-looking British gangsta' flick with the remarkably wonderful title of LOCK, STOCK AND TWO SMOKING BARRELS http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0120735/ .
I loved every second. It was fresh, crisp with a kinetic visual flair and some of the most quotable, insta-classic dialogue I had heard in years. (To this day, my buddy Vince and I still quote gems like “It's a deal. It's a steal...” and so on)
From that day on, I knew that I liked what this Ritchie cat was serving up on the screen and I hungered for more.

Time passed and he finally released his next effort; ...(the EXTREMELY overrated) SNATCH http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0208092/ .
A snappy-looking British gangsta' flick.
Fair enough. Hmmm...

It was enjoyable enough, I suppose.
Brad Pitt delivered one of the most memorable characters of his career, the film still looked great and the dialogue was above-average in regard to quotables.
However; it didn't have the lasting aftertaste that LOCK, STOCK... contained.
Or rather; it DID have an aftertaste...but one that was less pleasant and unlikely to make one return for repeated viewings. (At least not without having the enjoyment level of each viewing progressively decrease at a steady rate.)
NOTE: I shall add here that I seem to be alone in this position.
Within the social circles that I travel and from working in a video-store for some time, I have first-hand knowledge that most folk hold the film in MUCH higher regard than I. The average Joe seems to absolutely adore SNATCH, so much to the point where they foolishly place it above LOCK, STOCK... on the cinematic food chain.
Foolish.
To each their own and all that, but if you bring that shit to my front door; I'll slam it in your face and pour boiling oil upon you from the parapets. (That's right. In this hypothetical situation, I've decided it's best that I live in some castle-like fortress from which I hurl cinema-flavoured rhetoric upon the unwashed peons below. ...It also has a water slide.)

Moving on; I shan't dally much longer with Ritchie's past work for it can all be summed up in tidy, little point-form pattern.
Observe:

SWEPT AWAY http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0291502/ : Most people who witnessed this ordeal took their own lives. Beach romance starring his then-wife, Madonna. Ritchie later escaped from the firm grasp of her wiry, chicken-claw hands when he presumably discovered that she is, in fact, an exhumed corpse reanimated and sustained by dark sorcery.
Ray Of Light is an amazing album, though. Seriously.
Studios wanted Ritchie to include an animated British gangsta' crab for comic relief, some say.
(NOTE: I may be, and probably am, lying)

REVOLVER http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0365686/ : Apparently, this film divided the global population into 2 groups.
1. Those who did not see it
2. Those who saw it and wished they were in Group 1
As usual, I stand alone; for I have not watched it yet. I haven't been avoiding it, though. Quite the opposite. The film intrigues me (despite being about crime and gangstas again) and it has only been given a local release on DVD recently...after 5 years. Sigh.

ROCKnROLLA http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1032755/ : Wow. Another criminal-based, snappy-looking gangsta' flick set in Britain. Way to break that mould, Master Ritchie.
No harm – no foul, though. It's a pretty enjoyable film and Toby Kebbell's awesome performance is the main attraction, in my opinion. The guy is solid gold and definitely one to watch., yo.

So there you have it.
See the pattern?
Yes? Swell.
Now, back in the day when SNATCH was beginning to grow stale on my shelf; I pondered about a wonderful alternate reality in which Guy Ritchie ventured out into some greener pastures filled with fresh grass and more fertile soil.
Standing around in the cinema, I would say to anybody within earshot, “I love Guy Ritchie, but I'm tired of the same old crime/gangsta routine. Someone give this guy a comic-book movie or a period piece or something. Please.”

(At this point most folk would just either nod quietly, walk away or walk away and go watch SNATCH again.)

Well, looks like I only had to wait about 10 years for my wish to come true, because Ritchie finally delivered SHERLOCK HOLMES http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0988045/ .
Was it worth the wait?
Yes.
Oh my, yes.

I love this film.
I had very high expectations as a result of an awesome trailer coupled with the fact that I'm a big fan of Guy Ritchie to begin with.
Throw into the mix that this was THE hypothetical Ritchie film that I had been yearning for all those years, and you've got me practically vibrating with anticipation as the cinema goes dark.
I could not have asked for more from Ritchie this time. Here he was playing with some classic characters in a period setting and juggling mystery, crime-procedural elements, action/fight sequences and doing it all with his own recognisable visual flair and class. (The way Holmes analyzes a fight is a stroke of particular brilliance, on Ritchie's behalf.)
They gave the cook some new, fresh ingredients and he baked up an amazing, delicious cake in his own kitchen with his own tools.
I was beyond impressed. I felt so satisfied. It was a wonderful thing to see someone move into a new arena and still manage to display their skills outside of their usual comfort zone.
Bravo, Ritchie. Nothing but praise is coming from my seat, sir.

- Robert Downey Jr. and Jude Law make up one of the best screen duos I've seen in years.
Their respective portrayals of Holmes and Watson, is a remarkable display of believable friendship and camaraderie. I could tell these gents had a long, rich history and I could believe that such a relationship would take them off on many more adventures together.
These two harmonize so well that with a good surround sound set-up in your home theatre, I believe you'll be able to turn up the volume and actually hear a CLICK sound as they snap into place like lock and key. It's flawless.
The banter, the sombre moments, the action; Holmes and Watson deal with everything this adventure throws at them and they do so with an ease that only years together at each other's backs can allow.

Downey Jr. is in usual top form. His theatrics and the subtle flourishes he provides to simple gestures lend the character of Holmes an almost hypnotic quality akin to Johnny Depp's (earlier) Jack Sparrow work (before that franchise was drowned by bad decisions and missed opportunities).
Jude Law as Watson could easily be overshadowed by the more flashy Holmes role, but thankfully that never comes to pass. Watson is the pause between Holmes loud notes, if you will. Both different, but still absolutely necessary for music to be created. For example, where Holmes may speak at length while deducing until the tea goes cold before acting, punching or blowing something up...Watson would prefer to remain soft-spoken and calmly rational...before acting, punching or blowing something up.
Same destination; different route, no?

- If the studios are smart; they have a monster franchise on their hands.
Like the Tower Bridge structure in the film; SHERLOCK HOLMES has set a VERY sturdy foundation upon which a great cinematic edifice may be constructed.
I eagerly await further adventures involving this team such as 'Sherlock Holmes and the Case Of The (Blank)' or 'Sherlock Holmes and the Mystery Of The (Blank)'.

- The score is brilliant. Case closed.
Zimmer delivers a stirring score filled with the likes of drums and (I think) double bass and mandolin, that drives the action, accompanies the visuals without ever overpowering the overall taste and even manages to infuse the proceedings with the same sense of playful, recklessness that perfectly captures the nature of Downey Jr.'s Holmes performance.
I can confidently say that it's probably the best score I've heard in quite some time. The only thing that annoyed me was that I could not buy it on CD instantly after leaving the cinema. I hit 3 stores and they all stared at me blankly after consulting their equally vacant computer screens.
No matter. I bought it from iTunes as soon as I got home and I'm still listening to it now as I type this.

- The end credits sequence is superb.
A beautiful example of perfect art direction and style that is up there with the awesome opening credits from WATCHMEN http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0409459/ .

- If the cynical hyenas out there MUST have a bone of negativity to gnaw upon; then let me spare the tiniest of scraps in the shape of Irene Adler.
Rachel McAdams is pure class and one of my favourites...but her character is actually not given much to do and by the end of it all, you're still left feeling, "Who is this gal? I like her, but...who is she?" She plays her part well and fills her position within the grand scheme of the narrative, but you never really feel like she's given the care and attention that characters like Holmes and Watson have benefited from.
Perhaps, if she's kept around for further adventures, her character may be given more opportunities to shine. If so; I welcome it.

Regarding script, structure and plot; sure, there is some heavy exposition near the end which some goats may bleat about and claim as 'weak writing', but I disagree. The Holmes character is built up from the beginning as the type of chap who thinks things through and plays the events AND explanations out in his mind. Had Holmes NOT been allowed his 'explain it all' moment, then it would have felt like something was missing considering that was one of his personality traits, for want of a better term.
Besides, the plot is intricate enough that I did not mind in the slightest that Sherlock provided some clarity, and that is definitely not to say that the plot is muddy or poorly-structured, but rather that I cared enough about the affairs to appreciate the explanations and revelations.

I cannot speak highly enough of this film.
Excellent characters.
Awesome new franchise potential.
If you need a break in between seeing AVATAR for the 4th time, then I HIGHLY recommend SHERLOCK HOLMES.

I'm off to listen to the score again now and look for clues...
:D


(Oh, and speaking of AVATAR; yes I am going to do a post, of course. It'll be up next. I had to let it all soak in first. Stay tuned.)

DEADGIRL

Ugh...
I feel dirty.
Not the regular kind of dirty like after you've done some heavy work and you're dripping with sweat.
Not the good kind of dirty like when you're in a strip club and you're being massaged by the best tits money can buy.
Not even the literal kind of dirty like when you've fallen into a mud puddle after stepping out of your carriage and misjudging the first step. (...If you so happen to travel by carriage, I suppose.)

No.

The layer of filth that seems to have coated my very being is unique.
It has stained my skin, my eyes and possibly even my very soul. (I'll only know for sure once I visit a clairvoyant. Only then will I be in a suitable position to decide which lies I shall believe in order to attempt to heal my corrupted aura.)
Until then though; I fear that this sickening sense of putrescence that clings to my form like film upon rotting meat will be with me for some time.
What could have caused this grimy residue imbued with such gag-inducing potency?
Well, how about the face-paralysing experience of witnessing a film concerning teenage zombie rape.

Yep. You read that correctly.
Teenage. Zombie. Rape.

Aren't you glad you visited my blog today?
Allow me to now provide my report a la some kind of pseudo-coroner upon the cinematic corpse that is DEADGIRL http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0896534/

(Oh yeah, I'm not going to spoil the journey for y'all by laying the plot out on a slab. But hey, I've already mentioned 'teenage zombie rape'. If that triple-threat combo of words does not inform you as to whether or not this is the film for you, then perhaps you need to do some soul searching. Light some candles. Find yourself, y'know? Have fun.)

- This horror film is, appropriately and refreshingly, horrifying.
It's about time a flick came along that lives up to the implications pertaining to the HORROR genre.
This is a greasy, unpleasant film that leaves a thick layer of retch-worthy after-taste in the back of your throat.
It's like eating something rotten on a hot, sticky day...and you have no beverage available to rinse your mouth out with.
You can even almost smell this film.
The stale sweat. The sickly musk of old sex and body odour generated by the exertions involved in such an activity.
Waves of scent seem to radiate out from the screen and place you in the middle of these disgusting events.
And that face that you generally pull when you smell something offensive? The way your nose lifts and your top lip curls back slightly as if trying to recoil away from the source of the odour? Yeah, that face is the mask that you will wear throughout the duration of this film.
I put my mask on during the first 'sex scene'...and never took it off.
It's still on as I type this.
Damn, I need a shower. I hope soap can rid me of this feeling. Perhaps I have some heavy-duty cleaning products in the cupboard. It's worth checking...

- The Dead Girl's face is simply terrifying.
Even before it has been, well, ...worn out, so to speak. Ahem.
Her expressions display a perfect blend of ravenous fury and corpse-like mindless vacancy...yet with eyes that seem to still hold a faint echo of her past humanity.
And when she 'grins' she becomes the mascot of nightmares.
I'll be seeing this gal in my mind for years to come.
Perhaps I should adopt a drinking problem...

- Noah Segan's performance as JT is excellent. He did solid work in BRICK http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0393109/ (Just watch it. NOW) as Dode, and yet I didn't even recognise him here; so different was he from that previous character.
JT is one frightening chap.
He's that kind of friend that is always just one small situation away from snapping, y'know?
You could see in his eyes that there was a pendulum just waiting to swing away in the wrong direction and the right set of circumstances were all he required to swing away and smash everything to pieces.

- The 'shopping for a new girl' scene at the gas station is disturbing...and yet it manages to catch you off-guard and take an unexpected turn.
The scene could have played out predictably and still succeeded; yet the curve-ball that is tossed at the audience allows our minds to fumble briefly before being led off onto a new path in this disturbing journey.

- This is a TRULY original take on the whole zombie movie genre. A most impressive feat, indeed.
There are no head-shots.
There are no mall scenes.
There are no shambles of zombies laying siege to a structure that contains a holed-up band of distressed survivors with suitably diverse backgrounds.
It basically ditches the bulk of zombie movie cliches and decides to tackle the subject from a VERY different angle and have the players be anything but heroic survivors.
Heroism is nowhere to be found within these halls, kids.
These characters are just plain...wrong.

- Far too many so-called “horror” films these days are stale, formulaic affairs that deal with text-book scenarios that, at best, barely manage to elicit a giggly shriek from the audience.
True horror should do as the name implies.
HORRIFY.
They should stay with you.
No other genre of film; and I mean NO OTHER GENRE, manages to stay with you afterwards as effectively as horror.
...Provided it is done right.
Take a quick run down a general list and you'll see:
ROMANCE = “Oh, wasn't that lovely. I feel romantic. Let's kiss and maybe you'll get a handjob on the drive home later. Where should we eat?”
COMEDY = “Oh, wasn't that funny? I liked the part where I laughed. Hahaha. Where should we eat?”
ACTION = “That was awesome. That explosion was...explosive. Where should we eat?”
DRAMA = “That made me think about things. Let's discuss it before our entrees arrive and then our relationship issues will take priority. Where should we eat?”
Yet with HORROR, you should get:
“...That was awful. I don't want to be alone tonight. I think I need a bath. What? No. I don't even feel like eating. Let's go.”

Horror stays with you.
It makes you look at the darkness in a different way.
You try to open the car door quicker.
You make sure you double-check the door and window locks.
You don't want to be alone afterwards.
Your mind has now been conditioned to believe that all of those things you just experienced on a screen...have managed to follow you THROUGH the screen, out into the real world.
THAT is a truly memorable experience.
Some may cry that such films make you feel bad or scared and why would anybody desire that from a film.
The watching of films is supposed to be a leisure activity. Why would you desire a negative feeling?
...But therein lies the whole trick to horror films and good films in general.
THEY MAKE YOU FEEL SOMETHING.
If they 'get to you', regardless of genre or subject matter, then the film has served its purpose...and then some.
It makes for a richer experience and the level of immersion is raised considerably if you happen to take something away from the film, long after you've safely pressed the STOP button and sighed with relief as you remind yourself that it is “just a movie”.

I still cannot rid myself of DEADGIRL's disgusting taste.
It is horrible and this, ...this is a horrible, HORRIBLE film.

And I mean that as a MASSIVE compliment.

MARTYRS

I am speechless.
My jaw is literally still open from when this film made it fall to the floor at the beginning.

MARTYRS http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1029234/ Whoa.
I am not going to go into detail about this film, for to spoil it would be unforgivable.
I can only say that it is absolutely brilliant.
Believe me or do not.
I could not care less.
But if you choose to disbelieve me, then it is your loss.

It is easily one of the best films I have ever seen in my life and I believe that it may be the BEST HORROR FILM I HAVE EVER EXPERIENCED.
I'm serious.
This film is like getting hit by a truck.
...If you had never seen a truck before.
You'd be like, "What the fuck is that?" and then it would slam into you with such force that your mind never had a chance to process your own question before the answer obliterated your very existence.
Yeah. It's powerful, yo.

I shall write one of my usual posts about this film sometime in the future; but for now, I must leave you all with nothing but my highest of recommendations and a few little morsels:

1. The breakfast scene stunned me senseless.
2. The bathroom scene terrified me.
3. The 'final stage' had me doubting my own eyes.

This film is NOT an easy journey and you MUST have a strong stomach, but if you feel up to it, then please; witness this film.
Yes, it is disturbing and unpleasant...but the experience is unforgettable.

As I said; I shall return to this film again in a later post.
I have to go and think more about it now...

THE DANCE

I've seen it at least 3 times, now.
No...I believe it was 4 times, if I'm to be truly honest with myself, and I must. For if I fill my own ears with lies and deception, then who knows what that could lead to.
I may grow angry.
I may stalk through the night, blade held tight, stepping in the memorised locations upon the old wooden floorboards of this house that yield no creaking moans of protest.
For I do not wish for my location to be revealed.
I must precisely execute every step of this remembered dance so that I may infiltrate my own sleeping chamber...without waking myself up.
For if I catch even the slightest scent of my own approach then it will be curtains for us all.
I will unleash considerably more than a simple “moan of protest” if I learn of my own vicious plans for this evening. If I am discovered then I will surely tear the wallpaper of this shabby dwelling with screams that would shatter the teeth of a whole choir of sinister angels, rendered deaf by a birth defect that was no mere accident, contrary to what the newsreels will have us all believe.

Damn it.
I'm losing focus...and I cannot afford to do so.

The steps...I must recall the correct steps...
What was the next one? Think!
...Wait.

Something...has just caused a vibration in that area of the memory-web that causes the plump abdomen of the mind to pulsate in anticipation of a delicious new recollection.
Well-timed, too. For I have grown hungry.
This nostalgic morsel will help me maintain my stamina.

...What?
This is no memory.
This...this is a...an understanding.

My god.
How could I not have noticed?
It was so clear.
The floorboards...
“Moan of protest”...
Why did that particular current in my stream of consciousness self-punctuate as if it was in third-person?
Almost as if...it was heard...

Now I hear something...
The soft, disappointed moan of creaking wood was enough to make me turn...yet this reaction was predictably late.
My eyes had only a chance to barely locate my assailant, but not focus on them, as the blade seemed to vanish from my grip and appear elsewhere.
Unfortunately, 'elsewhere' happened to be buried 5 inches into my chest and by the time I understood that brutal fact about my own bodily geography, it was too late.

I did not hear another floorboard creak as I crashed to the floor.
Perhaps, I struck a rare silent board? It could happen.
After all, those boards were integral locations in the many steps I'd committed to memory that made up the 'dance' that allowed me to get close enough to my own sleeping chamber and murder myself while I slept.

*Sigh*
I've never been a good dancer.

Perhaps that fact should have tipped me off that this endeavour was doomed from the beginning.
Surely I should have realised that I would learn of my own sinister intent?
Was I simply too arrogant to acknowledge this fact? Did I consider myself...stronger than myself?
If so, then I must be laughing heartily now.
I hear something...
The moan of another floorboard?
No.
Just laughter.
The soft, raspy laughter that comes from a parched and cracked throat that has known nothing but the flow of endless insults and hostility from the darkness within for years.
That laugh is familiar.
For it is my laugh.
I know it well.

I lie upon the floor and wish I could join in on the mirth...but a punctured lung, shattered rib and flooded chest cavity do not allow for much in the way of vocal expressions of joy.
I listen to myself laugh as I stand over my convulsing body.
The heaving sounds and corporeal shudders have reached a regular rhythm, and I realise that I have done this so many times now, that I can almost perfectly pinpoint the exact moment when 'body' transitions into 'corpse'.
It's a skill. One of many.

I should set my watch to this moment in time.
Where is my watch? No matter.

I utter a bubbling gurgle of fluid and bone fragments as I try to begin a fit of giggling, but I do not hear it because my own laughing has increased in volume and I hear nothing but the cacophony of joyous echoes as they fill the room like unnamed guests at a dinner party.
The laughter sounds like a party, actually.

The wind from the night outside was ideal for masking my footsteps, but now I can barely hear it.
The laughter has drowned everything... and I know that, I too, am drowning.

I try for another gurgle.
Perhaps a bark of final defiance...or a simple giggling word...
...Nope. No good. The laughter is too loud.
Strange; I thought I would feel worse, considering my situation.
Instead, I feel...calm. A sense of satisfaction seems to be a side dish to the main emotion.
Perhaps that laughter really is infectious.
I don't know.
I'll just close my eyes now. I'm tired of looking up at myself.
I never liked myself from that angle anyway.
I can't even hear the wind any more.
I can only hear myself laughing.
I could use a lozenge.
I have things to do. I'm glad my eyes are closing.
Soon...
My eyes are closed.
The change will happen soon. I'm glad. Right on schedule. I don't need my watch.
I can only hear my laughter.
Laughter.
Nothing else.
I cannot hear anything except laughter.
I CANNOT HEAR ANYTHING...except...laughter...

...and the moan of a floorboard from behind me.

It seems louder than usual. Clearer.
My laughing stops.
I cannot look down at my body...or is it a corpse now? I can't tell. There's no time.
I cannot turn around. There's no time. Where the hell is my watch?

I only heard the floorboard.
I only feel the hands alongside my head...as my neck is snapped.
I wish I heard the crack.
I wish I could still hear my laughter...

I open my eyes and blink until I'm satisfied with the clarity.
My mind echoes, but I can't remember the point of origin.
Perhaps I'll remember later.

My throat hurts.
I lick my lips and wonder when was the last time I drank.
Even if I had my watch, it could not provide such information.

The room is dusty...and I can easily see the footprints that I've left upon the floorboards.
Only my prints.
It looks like some kind of dance has taken place.
I lean forward and shift my weight onto a nearby floorboard; one that has no footprint.
...It creaks, like the groan of a disturbed homeless man.
Just as I thought.
I was lying...and it looks like it worked.

After all; I'm an excellent dancer.



(Just writing to see what comes out. This came out. I wrote most of this a couple o' months ago, I think. I can't remember the exact date.)